How to be a successful Checkout Assistant

The best ways to get on with fellow members of your Supermarket Colleagues, Supervisors and Managers are:
1. Bake cakes - bake a cake for every shift - make certain the cakes you bake are favourites of management - give them the biggest piece - forget about the added cost and time - it is definitely an investment in your well being and will earn you enough brownie points to be able to do what you want. If you don't know how to bake, LEARN.
2. Milk the system -take longer breaks - if you keep your head down and do your job - other members of staff will not like you - you will become "the only one"
3. Do not inform management of anything - management generally are idiots and only look after themselves - you too must learn to do the same.
4. Don't take anything personally - especially when customers are rude - customers know that you can't answer back otherwise you will get the sack - if only you could.
5. Remember that everybody is out for themselves - you must be too
6. Tell management how good they are this too will earn you extra priviledges
7. Brown nosing will get you everywhere and will make your life a whole lot easier

Faster than the speed of light

All of a sudden he started going faster. I thought it may have something to do with trying to make a fool of me, being English and didn't think any more about it. So I too increased my speed. And he went still faster. So did I. Then I looked in my rear view mirror to find a policeman behind me indicating for me to pull over. I never had a speeding ticket before and was nervous.
However, as luck would have it. The Fireman turned off the road and pulled into a blazing house fire. I did the same. And the policeman followed.
The Fireman got out of the car (this wasn't Wendy's I hasten to add), I did and the policeman did.
The policeman came up to the car and asked for my license. I tried to explain that we were following the car in front (the fireman). It was at this point that the fireman realised what had happened. He turned to me and said, "I forgot all about you following me. Sorry officer this was my fault. I told them to follow me because they were lost."
And fortunately for us the policeman believed the fireman and let us off.
Two hours later we turned up at my nephews restaurant - fortunately it was for a lunch - and he asked what happened to us. My sister explained we went to a fire.
The irony was that my sister use to tell my nephew off (he was a volunteer fireman) for going to fires and not letting her know.

As darkness approaches. . .

My sister and I pulled into what we thought was an offical building to ask directions. The building looked like an American government one - very official and very clean. When I say clean, I think clinical would be a better word.
Just as I was about to get out of the car, a man in a uniform came out of the building. I thought the uniform looked like a policeman but it wasn't it was a fireman.
With a British accent, I asked him if he heard of my nephew's restaurant. He replied yes he knew it and proceeded to tell me how to get to it. The trouble was his directions were full of Highways this and routes that - he might as well have been talking in another language because I certainly didn't understand any of it. In England, we are more direct with our instructions.
I then asked him to draw us a map whereupon he said, "Follow me. I'm going to Wendy's but if you carry on straight down the road after I turn off at Wendy's you'll see it on the right."
It sounded pretty simple to me.
He got in his car, drove out onto the main road and I followed.
I was saying to my sister how nice it was for him to put himself out for us. She agreed.
We had been following him for about 10 minutes. He'd stop at the lights for us and wait till we caught up because we had no idea where we were going. It was a case of following the leader.
Then, out of the blue . . . . . .

The road to nowhere

The directions the Amish mother gave us seemed straight forward, if you knew where you were going and the area. Unfortunately, there were no road signs, no indications as to where we were no nothing really. But we were lost - well and truly lost.
So we did what anyone else who was lost would do and just keep driving. Turning left after two crossroads then right to a smaller road that looked more like a drive way than a road. Eventually after what seemed to be a lifetime although it was probably only an hour or so we saw our first MacDonalds - the well known American signpost to anywhere in the world. So we turned right. A few miles down the road we came across a signpost that said Lancaster 5 miles. Lancaster was the place we wanted to visit.
As we approached Lancaster my sister flicked a couple of switches that pulled the roof of the convertible over her heads. She locked the roof in then proceeded to lock the doors with the electronic locking system. "Why did you do that?" I asked in a surprised voice.
"Two people were shot and killed here last week." she replied.
"Do you know where we are going now?"
"Not exactly she replied"
"What does that mean?" I asked.
It was at this point that I began to look for somewhere to stop and ask for directions. The people we saw walking down the road looked harmless until my sister informed me that there were more gangs here than in many of the big cities.
What a fun day this was turning out to be. We were already over an hour and a half late for our restaurant booking.
Just past a set of traffic lights I saw what looked like an official building. I decided to pull in and ask for directions.

You couldn't make this up

Last year I had to go to the US because my mother had been taken seriously ill. She subsequently died. Just before I was due to fly back to England, my sister suggested that we visit my nephews' restaurant in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Off we went. We thought we knew where we were going but in the US road signs are far and few between - but we had a rough idea of where it was. After all there couldn't be that many restaurants in the Lancaster ?
It was a beautiful day and we were more than happy to drive in a Thelma and Louise style - top down in a red mustang convertible.
As we were driving down this one road it became apparent we were lost - no signs, no nothing really. And this went on for what seemed to be miles and miles. But it was a beautiful day and we weren't in a hurry.
There we were driving down this road when we came across an Amish girl (about 10) with her two younger brothers. My sister said to ask her. So I pulled over and asked this little girl directions to Lancaster - my sister replied, not her . . . HER point to her mother who was hidden by the blackberry bush,
That was the start. Come back tommorrow for tnext installement.

IF YOUR FACE FITS

It is amazing the affect that the absence of one supervisor can make. If this Supervisor doesn't like you she makes your life hell. Complaining to managerment, personnel and the union makes no difference - for some reason she has a hold on them. Although she is always off sick, ill or otherwise she gets away with it - anyone else would be given warnings and fired. Yet she is the person we take orders from - someone with NO interpersonal skills!.To look on the bright side of things she is away for 3 weeks during the summer holidays and it is bliss. There is none of this - I can't talk to you because she won't speak to me; or she doesn't like you so I can't either. It is sad that in this day and age people will not stand up for themselves. However, having said that I appreciate the difficulty in standing up for yourself because no on will take action nor will anyone in authority support you. All you end up doing is upsetting yourself and she goes onto bully you even more. I suppose that is what it's like working at the check-outs - there is one rule for one and another rule for everyone else. The only winners are those people whose face fits!